Qawwamah, a solution to Gender Based Violence

Corruption has appeared throughout the land and sea by [reason of] what the hands of people have earned so He may let them taste part of [the consequence of] what they have done that perhaps they will return [to righteousness].

30:41

we are witnessing unprecedented levels of violence and aggression against women. This seems to be a growing scourge in society, the stats are horrifying. According to cosmopolitan magazine, Our levels of gender-based violence here in South Africa are among the highest in the world. Femicide, sexual assault and harassment are not new to us. It’s estimated that one in five women have experienced violence at the hands of a partner. How bad is it exactly? Let’s look at the numbers:

2 930 women murdered in 2017/2018

110 rapes a day (reported)

56 murders a day

19.3% of victims are women and children

GBV occurs as a result of normative role expectations and unequal power relationships between genders in a society. (Safer spaces.org.za)

society is falling apart before our eyes and while we watch these atrocities increase exponentially it is imperative that we reflect over how we reached this point and work out how to remedy the situation.

The first step is to accept accountability for the actions that have brought us to this point. We must realize that this is a result of moving away from the natural order that Allah ta ala decreed for us. Islam is a system that not only governs a person on an individualistic level but governs the way the individual interacts with others and contributes to the society as a whole.

We must acknowledge mans rebellion against the Lord of the Universe, he took it upon himself to figure things out on his own. Is it any wonder then that we find ourselves in such a pitiful predicament?Let us learn from our mistakes and make effort to rectify the situation. let us be pro active, instead of reacting to every symptom, lets get to the cause and remedy the situation from the root.

Muslims are meant to view the world through the lens of tawhid. Allah ta ala Created everything and then Created the systems within which they operate.

Neither can the sun overtake the moon, nor does the night precede the day.

Each of them is floating in an orbit.

(36-Ya-Seen, 40)

Allah ta ala Created the Planets, each has a role within the Solar System. If there was any deviation in the system there would be catastrophe on a cosmic scale.

Allah Created man and woman. He assigned each a role, and designed them in a manner that best equips them to fulfil that role, micro- cosmically within the family and in society as a macrocosmic extension. The successful fulfilment within the family impacts on the society. When each individual, lives authentically in alignment with their fitra there is peace and harmony within the home and by extension, the community.

Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth.

So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard.

But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed;

and [finally], strike them.

But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them.

Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.

(4:34)

Men are the protectors and guardians of women. Allah has entrusted man with the Sacred obligation of Qawwamah just as He entrusted woman with the Sacred Trust of serving as a portal through which life passes from Alam e arwah (the world of souls) into this world. Both were designed in a manner that allows them to successfully fulfil their role. Qawwamah is a great obligation placed upon the shoulders of the man. He will be held accountable for the manner in which he fulfilled his trust. Qawwamah is not an authority to be abused nor does it condone toxic masculinity. It is definitely does not imply institutionalised patriarchy which it is often referred to by ignorant Muslims.

Ibn-ul Arabi explained the term qawwam as for one who is an honest custodian over his wife and will maintain her matters, will provide her with a good and satisfactory life. At the same time it implies for imposing on husband the responsibility for making the wife act on good deeds according to Islamic teachings, i.e observance of regular prayers, fasting etc., which is obligatory for all Muslims.

Ibn-ul-Arabi describes that the priority in one degree above for men

is basically due to his responsibility as qawwam and it has two dimensions as given by the Quran:

(i) perfection in intellect and manner and perfection in religion ,Jihad, Amar Bil Maroof wa Nahi Anil Munkar; and

(ii) due to his catering for all her expenses of mehar , and maintenance

No! [But] indeed, man transgresses

Because he sees himself self-sufficient.

(96:7-8)

The problem arises when man transgresses. He forgets that he is being watched and will be taken to task and held accountable one day. He moves away from his authentic nature and rebels against his Creator. He submits to his animalistic nature. He abandons his station of Khalifatullah (vicegerent of Allah) and falls to Asfala saafileen (the lowest of the low) as described in Sura Teen.

When man loses sight of, or is removed from his station of Qawwamah he then falls to either a victim or the perpetrator of violence and abuse. He acts out the misery and aggression that brews within his soul as a result of not operating according to his fitra (innate nature). He lashes out at the ones closest to him, his spouse and/or children. This threatens the stability of the family and puts the entire society in jeopardy. Unfortunately, it’s the children who fall through the cracks.

Western psychology supports this theory with the Karpman drama triangle which suggests the very same out come. When a protector is removed from his rightful place he either becomes a victim or a perpetrator.

Men need to see themselves as the protectors of women, keeping in mind he has taken her in His nikah (marriage) under the Trust of Allah. She is under the watchful eye of Allah. She is not his maid or possession. She is his wife. She was created to be a means of comfort and tranquility for him, a little bit of heaven on this earth. She belongs to Allah and has been left in his care for just a little while. She will return to her Lord and he will have to answer for the way he treated her while she was in his care. We are very wary when there is a performance review at work, imagine the Ultimate review on The Day of Qiyamah! If a man is mindful of his place and his role, if he conducts himself in a manner that shows he is aware that Allah is watching him, he will be extremely wary of overstepping when it comes to his wife.

The Western concept of Women’s Rights as promoted by the United Nations has made men and women adversaries. They split up the team that Allah Designed and pitted one against the other. There is not such thing as “battle of the sexes” in Islam and so there is no need for her to “surrender’ herself to anyone except Allah. Each spouse is to fulfil the role Allah assigned to them, and by doing so compliment each other within the family and society.

Allah says in the Quran;

" The believers, men and women, are "Awliya," (helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another, they enjoin (on the people) Al-Ma`ruf (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam orders one to do); and forbid (people) from Al-Munkar (i.e. polytheism and disbelief of all kinds, and all that Islam has forbidden)

At-Taubah, 9:71

The concept of Feminism and their war against males is a threat to Qawwamah. Cancelling Qawwamah is largely discriminatory against the woman. It leaves her with no protection. It robs her of her right to maintenance and inheritance within the family, and it leaves her to fend for herself in society. It is a break down of a beautiful system that has been established through Divine Decree. The Rights of women have been enshrined in the Shariah all along. Islam rescued women and raised her upon a mantle that places Paradise beneath her feet a time when she was regarded sub- human in a society where femicide was morally acceptable. The very concept which seeks to make man redundant in so doing robs a woman of her rightful place. It celebrates a woman who is an obedient and compliant secretary but shuns a woman who chooses to obey her husband. This system will fight for the right of a woman to leave her home but shun the one who chooses her family over her career. This movement will demand women be given a voice but shun her when the message she promotes is not in alignment with their ideals. This movement promotes the concept of women empowerment but shuns those who don’t fit into their mould. This movement will fight for the right of a woman to walk around naked but will shun the woman who chooses modesty. So is it really about celebrating choice?

On the contrary, the essence of womanhood, being a mother or wife is being undermined and under valued. If a woman is asked about her profession she will gladly say she is a doctor or lawyer but reluctantly admit she is ‘only a house wife’ or say she is ‘just a mother’ looking after her children. Woman also lose out in real and practical terms. If both the husband and wife work, inevitably it will be the wife or female partner who will still be the primary carer of the children, be responsible for the cleaning and cooking, and be responsible overall for the domestic affairs of the house. Thus by pursuing and adopting male roles, women have given themselves a double shift – one outside the home and one inside it. This is not to say that Islam does not encourage women to work or frowns upon working woman. This is not the case at all. Islam acknowledges the need for women to enter all areas of life and society. However Islam appreciates the role of the mother, valuing it above all other roles in society. A mother is bestowed with high status, privileges and children and adults alike are asked to respect and value what she does.

Once the Holy Prophet (saw) was asked by a Companion who is entitled to be treated the best by him. The Holy Prophet replied "your mother". The Companion asked and after that? The Holy Prophet replied "your mother". The Companion again asked and after that? He replied "your mother". Only after being questioned the fourth time did the Holy Prophet reply "your father".

(Sahih Bukhari – kitab-al-adab).

This appreciation is something that is non-existent in Western society. No matter how much is said to the contrary, women who are housewives or look after children are not valued and are portrayed as being stuck in a derogatory and unfulfilling role. However Islam embraces a woman’s femininity and allows her to follow her natural instinct, but at the same time gives her the freedom to pursue activities she needs and desires, but without devaluing her. Women are under tremendous social pressure to enter the work force and imitate men. Those women who are unable to participate often suffer from frustration and psychological disturbances, feeling undervalued, unappreciated performing a duty in the home which is more important than any other profession, requiring skills, patience and aptitude that very few men can boast of but, are still deemed to be inferior according to the standards of society.

In contrast it is very apparent that many Muslim women who are mothers

and wives are greatly satisfied with their roles, knowing the society they live in values what they are doing and also secure in the knowledge that had they been living in a different society, they would still have to adopt these roles out of practical necessity but be burdened with the hardships of earning and supporting their families too.

The best role a woman can play in keeping the marital bond intact and strong is to recognize her husband as the one responsible for running of family affairs and not challenge his leadership. She is supposed to obey him even if his judgment is not acceptable to her in any particular matter provided he does not go beyond the limits of Islam. In no way this entails the relationship like a ruler-ruled or a master-servant. A balanced approach for dealing with marital disruption is the understanding that provisions for dealing with marital discord are situation specific. Therefore, the third stage permission, even if taken to beat or strike, has in no way the general permission leaving aside an order, which even has the stringent criteria of extreme rebelliousness.

Therefore, the practice of ill-informed Muslims of beating their wives on tiny issues of house chores or attitude differences has no place in Islam. Linking this verse to domestic violence has no basis as leaving aside domestic violence, Islam condemns all kinds of violence as it commands that the life, property and honor of all human beings is sacred which cannot be transgressed by any individual. It, therefore, ordered capital punishment forcertain crimes including crimes against body (killings or injuries).Ideally, both partners should make utmost efforts for performing the irresponsibilities respecting each other to fulfill the true purpose of marriage based on love and mercy. Each family will therefore be contributing towards the peace and tranquility of society.

(Gazala shaheen)

Nabi saw himself appealed for the kind treatment of women despite their tumultuous personality traits. To appreciate them as they are and not try to change them for a man cannot try to make a women more like him, nor should he try to. He should not look at her the way he looks at other men but realise she has her own unique place that she was created to fill.

"Treat women well, for they have been created from a rib. The rib is most curved in its upper part, so that if you try to straighten it out, it will break, but if you leave it as it is, it will remain intact. Therefore, follow my advice on giving fair treatment to women"

(Sahih Bukhari, Kitab An-Nikah)

May Allah ta ala grant us understanding of His beautiful Deen and allow us to witness the revival of Qawwamah as it was meant to be established.

Ameen