Would you allow your husband to take a second wife?

This is a volatile topic.. I have heard this question and seen these posts splashed all over social media recently.

This made me think, why are we asking this question? #Allah says in the Qur’an sura 33:36 "It is not for a believing man or a believing woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decided a matter, that they should [thereafter] have any choice about their affair. And whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger has certainly strayed into clear error." So what answers are people hoping to get?

Why are they always asking women? She is not the one who's going to be taking a second wife. Women are seldom OK with #polygyny and Jealousy is normal. The books of #hadith document such rivalry even between the Ummahaat ul Mu'mineen. The #mothers of the Believers (peace be upon them all) Why are we not asking the men? This is the typical #mindset in our community that overlooks the actions of #men with impunity while holding women accountable for things that are not even her fault. Since it's the man who is the one considering the #secondwife, why aren't we asking him? Are you confident that you can stand before Allah and say that you are fulfilling the rights of both your wives ?

Have you considered the first wife's feelings? Yes technically you don't need her "permission" but seeking her advice is also sunnah. For all the years of loyal service to you and your family, birthing and raising your children, (often sacrificing her comfort and her own happiness to see to the needs of your family) don't you think her emotions hold any value ? Allah made you her protector and she is an amanah (trust) in your care. Can you so carelessly discard her feelings and break her heart so easily?

Women are emotional beings and change is a scary uncertainty. A threat to the lifestyle she has become accustomed to. This will obviously cause much stress and anxiety.

Are her concerns valid. Many a time we see a man being in financial difficulties but insist on taking on another wife. This leads to devastating consequences for both families. Why aren't we asking men if they are prepared to commit to polygyny the halaal way, Not as a result of an illicit relationship?

Illicit sexual relations is a major sin. One that carried the death penalty in an islamic country. Is the man emotionally equipped to deal with two families? What about the kids? How will they adjust? Is he emotionally equipped to deal with the tantrums and attention seeking behavior? The man needs to step up and take responsibility for a decision he wants to make on behalf of his family. Yes it impacts the family. It's not just about him. It's not fair to throw #Deen in a woman's face when the husband has been sneaking around, having a secret affair. Lying to cover up and when things become known and she's hurt and upset then she is branded as a terrible #Muslim for denying him his rights. Then we get community elders to come and lecture her on what a bad person she is because she is voicing her pain! This is a mockery and a pervertion of a beautiful #sunnah! We have taken a system that is very much part of the well being of society and twisted it into something sordid, lust filled and detested! The Qur’an states in sura nisaa verse 35 "ar Rijaalu Qawwamuna alan Nisaa!" The men are the protectors and maintainers of the women. This used to apply to the entire community. In the Golden ages of Islam, no woman was forced to remain in an abusive or unhappy marriage because she was confident that when she left there would be men who would take over the responsibility of caring for her. This was the system put in place for the protection and dignity of Muslim men and women! Sometimes I can't sleep at night when I hear of what happens to young single mums in our community. How they have to sell their bodies to feed their children!! Ya Allah!! What have we become?

Where are the men? Look around, what do you see? We often hear men talking about imam #Mahdi and how they would like to fight under the banner of the true #Khalifah. May Allah accept that intention but that is a lifetime away. We don't know if we will even live to see that. However all around us in we see heinous crimes and injustices. Land grabs and home invasions are on the rise. Women are left to fend for themselves and fall prey to predatory men with bad intentions.

Would you want such a fate for your mother or sister?

Where are the Qawwam? Our "men" are sitting in coffee shops smoking vapes, hair neatly tied into (man) buns, smelling like strawberries. Are these the men who will protect us?

May Allah grant us understanding.

Ummi Muhammed

The Millennial Muslimah